Depression has been in the headlines for quite awhile now. It is usually the cause of suicides, most recently Robin Williams. From Robin Williams to Heath Ledger all the way back to Kurt Cobain as well as countless addictions and deaths in between these more notable personalities. I myself have come to realize that I too suffer from depression and that if I don’t do something about it then I could end up like many before me. I thought that drug addiction was my problem before and though I know ANY addiction is not good, I am now coming to realize that it is more a symptom of an underlying problem. That problem being depression!
I don’t know what starts me headed down that road but I do know that if I allow myself to depend on myself it will only get worse. That makes it even harder because I don’t trust very many people with the issues of my heart or my soul. In all honestly I have just came around to trusting my Lord and Savior with the matters that encompass my entire being, matters of the heart matters of the mind and matters of my soul. What I have come to understand is that is where I need to begin my battle. If I trust the Lord then I have to trust the people he has placed in my life, at least as far as for whatever He placed them in my life for. That is another problem I don’t have any idea what the people in my life have been placed there for so it looks like I have to begin with blind trust, but I can do this. I can do it because I don’t have to trust the people per say, I just have to trust Jesus Christ. With that being said I am learning that there are people being placed in my life that are more than worthy of my trust and perhaps there always has been!.
One of the hardest things for a man to do is to admit he needs help! It is not only hard to seek help, it can also be hard to accept help because of my own trust issues. Not to mention the fact that I don’t feel worthy of other people’s time or effort. When Iacceptedd Christ into my life I learned that there is a certain amount of humility that comes with that. That humility allows me to admit that I can’t do everything on my own, it allows me the freedom to try and trust the people around me and those who have been placed in apositionn odauthorityy over me. I can now see that there is a order in everything God does and if I want to serve him then I need to submit. So I will be entering treatment to address myissuess with depression and that means that I will not be able to post at least for the next 30 days. I do plan to get back to blogging as soon as I am able to, but this “Blackout” period ismeantt to be a time for selfreflectionn and I intend to take this as serious as life itself, because for me it might be.
To My Family
I am trying to become something that someone, someday will be proud of….. but I can’t do that unless I am wellmentallyy. “If we could only learn to take our anger and our hate, control our mental state settle down and just set it straight. Maybe then we could learn to take a second to pump the breaks, before we say it regret it later and let it escalate.”- Eminem